I'm still here

It's been a whirlwind of activity lately...  Being a puppy owner, trying to get back to work full-time, summer prolonged April weather, and everything in between...

Saw the neurosurgeon on June 6th in Toronto. My one year zipperversary was yesterday.  I'm good!!  In terms of the Chiari, Dr. G is very happy with the surgery and my recovery, as am I.  I don't need to see him again unless I start having an increase in symptoms.  We're going to keep an eye on things every 18 months with an MRI.  This will also monitor the arachnoid cyst I have in my brain.  I have to return to the ENT who initially diagnosed me with Chiari to have my tinnitus checked again as it hasn't cleared up with the decompression surgery.  In terms of the brachial neuritis, I've got another 6 to 12 months recovery ahead of me, as I do with a full decompression recovery.

I got the full report from the neurologist I saw who confirmed the brachial neuritis.  She doesn't recommend I work full time yet, and my family doctor agrees.  Hurray!!  As the current return to work plan is going to be the death of me! I'm supposed to increase to full time by July 4th.  But I'm exhausted after 5 hours.  Like, go home, need a nap exhausted.  Plus the increase in hours has increased my pain, fatigue and my shoulder blades are winging again...  All signs that the increase of hours is too much at this juncture in time / recovery.

We're still awaiting the arrival of spring and summer.  The weather has only been nice 2 days in a row.  It'll be nice, sunny and warm 24C.  Then it will be cold and raining 12C for 3 or 4 days in a row... very depressing and gloomy.  Makes me cold, miserable and sore.  My gardens are barely growing.  There are only a few blooms on my tomatoes and I am just seeing hints of basil and green onions I planted over 3 weeks ago... Very depressing. We need some heat and dry weather for a few days... or nothing is going to grow!  Which means buying and not picking my own :(   And I down-scaled the gardening this year for 1. my arm's sake and 2. space and 3. a puppy who tries to eat everything!!

And puppy... loving the puppy... Sophie is wonderful.  We are loving every minute of puppyhood.  Including the occasional late night trips outside to pee, the incessant biting as she is teething 4 teeth right now, the defiance when we're trying to train her.  Everything.  She is the only dog I have ever been acquainted with who does not want to go for a walk.  Especially in the morning.  Forget it, not gonna happen.  Treats, pulling, bribing.  Nothing works.  So we don't go for a walk in the morning.  If she's receptive I take her out back and throw a stick or ball.  Or we do training.  Most morning she just wants to sleep or cuddle.  Tonight we will graduate from puppy school.  It's been a great class.  We're learning lots and in fact were instinctively doing some of the things they are teaching us.  (helps that I read everything I could get out of the library on training a puppy beforehand!)  She is also afraid of water.  In the tub.  In the yard.  At the beach.  In kiddie pools at the leash-a-thon... If it's wet and not in her bowl, she wants NOTHING to do with it.  Very unusual for a Weim.  

I'm helping dad fix the back door, honest!!

Water!! Ack!! Nobody told me there was water at the beach!

I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor... or am I swallowing him?

She snuggled up to me for a nap so I closed my eyes too!

Sophie is a huge attraction wherever we go as Weims are not a popular breed, but they are a very beautiful breed.  She won the youngest pet award at the leash-a-thon and came home with at least 10 bags of treats.  Everyone at puppy school wants to say hi to her.  And wherever we go - walks, the pet store, even just to the corner store - people stop to meet her and ask what breed she is.  We're very proud parents.  She is quick to learn, even if she doesn't always listen or obey.  She sits, lies down, comes, fetches usually without fail.  We're working on no pull walking, going to mat and staying.  She is the love of my life, after hubby of course.  And I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Oh for the LOVE of Shoes!

Yesterday was my EMG appointment at Toronto Western Hospital.  Hubby and I flew down in the morning, walked up to the hospital and I met with Dr. A.  The assessment and tests didn't red flag anything for Dr. A, but he will analyze the data and send a report to my GP and Dr. Gentili.  He told me a couple of interesting things.

1.  Nerves regenerate at a millimetre per day on average.  NOT a millimetre per year as I was told by someone else.  Phew!  So this could get better soon!

2.  The radial nerve is the most easily injured in the arm because it runs at the outside of the wrist, near the thumb.  It is a very common injury.  Okay - makes sense.

3.  If my GP suspects I have POTS, I have to see a specialist at Toronto General as soon as I can make arrangements.

He tested my muscle conductivity, listened to 3 muscles in my shoulder, arm and hand (using a 4cm needle injected at each point... OUCH - especially the one in my hand!!) He tested my hot / cold sense, and then the tech came and did the actual conductivity test.  Nothing like being electrocuted to start off your day!

I think the appointment went very well and my GP will receive the results in about a week.

Hubby and I left the hospital around noon and started walking towards Bloor St.  He had a store in mind to check out.  We walked through the Toronto fashion district.  Bloor St. is lined with designers stores like Hermes, Dacosta, Gucci, Chanel, Prada... you get the picture.  All the places you and I with modest incomes, mortgages and bills to pay can only dream about shopping.  Designers you see on Paris runways, and are not sold at your local Sears store.  We walked into the "mall" (they aren't really malls in this area, more like huge office complexes with shops on the main floor and offices above).  The store we were looking for appears to have closed... hmpf! A long walk for not!  But anyways... the whole reason for this post... 

I found a shoe store.  It had a 50% clearance sign, so I said to hubby I'd like to just take a peak at the rack for my size.  I have small feet 35 Euro, size 5 - 5.5 US.  So finding shoes, especially cute shoes, is often difficult.  And I have a new found love of heels.  Now that my feet don't kill me all the time, and my head seems to tolerate a half-day in heels, I'm looking to add to my collection of 2 pair!

So I found the absolutely cutest pair on the rack.  I have absolutely no idea who this "Ron White" is.  I thought the shoes were adorable and I almost asked to try them on.  Until I found the price tag that is.  This is a $589.00 pair of shoes!!! But, they were on sale for the low low price of $299.00!!!  OMG!! I have spent as much at $100 on a pair of Birkenstocks, but not more than that.  $300 for a pair of shoes is quite unreasonable!  But OMG they are so cute.  And apparently very comfortable.  But I didn't try them on.  I put the shoe back on the rack and went to find hubby.  I held up the shoe and he kinda scoffed.  Then I showed him the price.  He laughed out loud and we put the pretty $150 shoe back on it's rack and carried on our merry way.   But oh they are so cute!!

So to compare with the designer shoes, here are my two little beauties.

 

The red pair are sling-backs from Payless.  They cost $49.00  They are great with a black suit and red sweater or with jeans on casual Friday.  I love the flower.  I call them my poppy shoes. 

The brown pair are adorable and surprisingly very comfortable.  They're Le Chateau and I have no idea what they are worth.

Both pairs were gifted to my by a colleague of my mum's.  They were her daughter's shoes.  Her daughter passed away from Cystic Fibrosis this past year.  I'm kinda honoured that her mum thought of me to give the shoes, knowing I too had small feet. 

So I'm on the look-out now for another pair of cute 3" heels.  I'm no Sex in the City girl when it comes to my shoe wardrobe, but I'd like to have a pair or two more in my collection.

A Year In Review

2010 will go down in my mind as the most challenging year of my 34 years.  And I'm still shiny-side up.

The first few months of the year were riddled with pain, headaches and monthly calls to Dr. Gentili waiting for my surgery date.  I'm happy to report the pain of the first months of the year is behind me because of my June decompression surgery.

In February we celebrated my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.  Theirs is a love from which I try to model my own marriage.  They didn't want any big celebration, just cake and coffee with the family.  I ordered letters and certificates of congratulation from Queen Elizabeth II, the Prime Minister, the Governor General, the Premier, and the Mayor of our city.  I was so proud to say I have grandparents who were married for 60 years.  It is a remarkable achievement. 

My grandma's health began to fail shortly after her 83rd birthday in April.  She was admitted to hospital and we knew it was very touch and go.  In true grandma fashion, she surprised us and started to get better and was moved to the rehab hospital.  She had been given a discharge date.  And then her tired heart gave it's last beat.  And it broke my heart.  It broke everyone's heart in my family.  And not a day goes by when I don't think of her a dozen times.  And at least once or twice those memories are coupled with tears.

A few days after my grandma passed away I received a phone call from Dr. Gentili's office with my decompression surgery date - June 22, 2010.  I won't reiterate the whole story.  It's here  and here.  It was the scariest thing I've ever had to face.  Worse than public speaking in grade school, the first day of high school, even traveling across the ocean to live in Italy.  I was petrified, but I was calm, prepared and anxious to feel better.  And I do.  If I had to do it all again, I would.  The difference it has made in my life is amazing, and I'm just 6 months post-op.  With 2 years to fully recover, I can only hope that I continue to feel this good.

The months after my surgery were long and very lonesome.  I did a lot of walking and a lot of physio at home.  I rested when I needed to.  I did what I could.  With the help of my dear husband I made it through.  I still struggle with my nerve issues in my right arm, but I will head to back Toronto Western on January 28th, 2011 for a nerve conductive study.  And that will hopefully provide a prognosis or at least a firm diagnosis.

November and December were good months, preparing for Christmas and craft shows and returning to work.  I kept busy with crafts as much as I could, a little at a time.  I did two successful craft shows and 1 trip to sell crafts at my mother-in-law's old office.  I'm very happy with the craft season this year.  As I was off work or only working 3 hours a day I had extra opportunity to bake, write Christmas cards, and get ready for the holidays.  I have never been a Christmas person, but this year I was actually in the spirit.  I wanted to get the tree up.  I was finished my shopping and wrapping early.  And I baked enough goodies for a small army.  And on the actual days I wasn't sick, exhausted or miserable.  I was fortunate to not get a headache or flu or cold.  (Well, I did end up with a bit of a cold on December 27th, but it wasn't on the holiday for a change!)

I'm very happy looking back at this year with all of it's trials and struggles.  I can say I'm still shiny-side up after all of it.  And that's what matters most.

Back to Toronto

Because the nerve issues in my right arm are ongoing, I've plateaued in my recovery, and I'm still experiencing lots of nerve pain, my family doctor referred me back to Dr. Gentili on the recommendation from my orthopaedic surgeon.  And within a week of Dr. G's office receiving the referral, I have an appointment for an EMG (electromyogram) on January 28th at Toronto Western Hospital.  Wow!! 

I'm just so happy I'm being looked at and it's not going to take 6+ months to be seen!  We haven't yet decided if we will go down the night before or just for a day trip again. Flying to Toronto in January can be a little dodgy if there's a snow storm.  And I was forewarned by Dr. G's receptionist not to be late.  The doctor performing the test hates when his patients are late.  I'm not a late person, I panic if I'm there only 5 minutes early... but snow can wreak havoc on travel plans!

My return to work is coming along slowly, but it is coming along.  I start doing something I haven't done in 6 months and all of a sudden it's done and I'm not really sure how I completed it, but it is done.  I'm still a bit overwhelmed, some of the files that I thought would have been completed during my absence are still ongoing, and others have closed that I thought would be still around.  And just getting used to the new stuff... a whole new computer system with Windows 7 - and I'm a Mac user at home - and a number of changes to the programs and software... And soon, a new keyboard with a track pad so I can ditch the thumb-ball mouse I've been using since my last shoulder surgery in 2003.  So my learning curve will just have to curve a little deeper for a while longer... The young lady who was filling in for me is still helping out on a few files, but she will be finished with the firm on December 30th... Does panic set in now??? I'm still only working 15 hours a week... How am I going to do a full day's work in 3 hours???  I can't think about it or I'll start to have panic attacks...

I'm going to focus on planning our trip back to Toronto and getting my nerves working.  The rest is out of my control.

And just to brag a little... The tree is trimmed, the lights are hung in the windows, the presents are wrapped and sit beneath the tree.  The baking is in the freezer and I have all the ingredients I need for Christmas dinner...  And I have the next 6 days before Christmas to relax!

Hi-ho! Hi-ho! (I owe! I owe!)

It's back to work I go went.  Monday, 3 hours a day to start, with breaks every hour if I'm doing something continuous.  My bosses are easing me back into my role.  We have a new computer system and programs have all been upgraded during my 5.5 month absence, so I am learning how to do things again.  Monday all I could access was e-mail... Because I wasn't there to use the system the IT guy didn't set me up for most of the necessary programs... Oh well, it was fixed by Tuesday.  Today I used one of the new search programs with my boss and we're very happy - it's easier and faster than the old way!  Hurray for change!! (Usually I don't like change...at all!)  So I'm settling in... a little at a time.  I'm sure there are still a handful of people who don't even know I'm back at work.  I startled a couple of the lawyers - hey! Wait! You're back!  That's a good thing - at least they haven't forgotten who I am!

My orthopaedic surgeon basically discharged me from her care at my appointment last week.  My shoulder is not a surgical issue and she does not need to operate on me, therefore discharged with instructions to get back in touch with Dr. Gentili.  The ortho is fairly certain that my brachial plexus injury occurred when I had my decompression surgery and will be sending a note to my family doctor stating the same. So I'm being referred back to Dr. Gentili. 

Kinda scary... my physiotherapist and I were going through my return to work plan last week... she told me that if I do too much I could injure the brachial plexus further, resulting in permanent nerve damage.  I have to be very careful at work.  No overhead lifting.  Nothing over 5 lbs (basically, a pack of copy paper is too heavy).  And breaks when needed.  If I'm in pain for more than an hour after I finish work I've done too much.  Today, I've done too much.  I have sharp pain in my shoulder and upper arm, my wrist is sore, my hand is sore and I can feel pain up my trapezius into my neck and back of my head...  I picked up a minute book today - and knew right away it was heavy.  But some are full, some are empty.  How am I to know unless I pick it up off the shelf??  The last thing I want to do is have permanent nerve damage...  Guess from now on I will have to ask someone to get my minute books down... (insert heavy, feeling useless sigh... pffff!)

In other news, I've made is quite successfully through another craft show season.  I had my last show last Friday and Saturday.  It went quite well.  The day before the show my mother-in-law and I took my crafts to her old office (she retired in May).  The ladies there cleaned me out of my Christmas spiders!  I took 27, came home with 3!  Yikes! I had to go to the consignment shop and pick up some I have for sale there and then scrambled to make some more Thursday night for the weekend show.  They are my biggest seller at any show.  But I didn't expect my m-i-l's colleagues to completely clean me out!  Happily I had enough for the weekend and sold 8 more.  And I've sold 9 or 10 at the consignment shop too!  So now that you're going "what's the deal with the spiders" here's a pic....

And there's a legend which goes with each one on a scroll...

The Christmas Spider Legend

A long time ago in Germany, while a mother was busily cleaning house in preparation for Christmas, the spiders that usually stayed in the living room corner fled upstairs to the attic to escape from her broom. From the attic they could hear all the excitement from the living room as decorations were being made for when Santa was to come on Christmas Eve and bring gifts for the children.

Frantic to see the decorated tree, the spiders slowly crept downstairs for a view. Oh, what a beautiful tree! In their excitement, they scurried up the trunk and out along each branch. They were filled with happiness as they climbed all through the tree to see the glittering beauty.

But alas! By the time they were through climbing all over the tree, it was completely shrouded in their dusty-gray spider web.

When Santa came, he smiled as he saw how happy the spiders were. However, He knew how heart-broken the mother would be if she saw the tree covered with the dusty webs. So He reached out and touched the webs, blessing them and turning them to silver and gold.

Thus, the custom to have a spider ornament amongst all other decorations with tinsel of gold and silver on the Christmas tree was born.

And on that cheery note... ta ta for now!!

Up, Down, and Jumping Through Hoops - EDITED

Up... way up... We (well, hubby) buys a lottery ticket every Wednesday and Saturday.  And every draw he checks the numbers and like the weeks, months, years before, we don't win.  Okay, we won $94 once.  Once.  Pffttt!! Big deal.  That was ages ago.

So Sunday, I was at my first craft show.  And hubby shows up.  Uh, hubby doesn't come to craft shows unless I ask him to help me carry my totes in.  So when he arrived at the show I was pretty surprised.  I like surprises.  He poses the following question...

"How close can you be to winning 6-49 (our lottery) without actually winning?"  Think, think, think... One number off on every one?  was my answer.

"How about 5 out of 6, and the sixth number off by one digit.  We had 34, they called 35."  OMG - so what does that mean?? We were 1 digit away from winning $16 MILLION dollars!!! Yep... We got third prize... which doesn't amount to much in comparison... but $1500 and change is not a bad thing!! So that evening we walked to the corner store where we always get our tickets and let the owners validate the ticket.  This way they get credit for sell and validating the winning ticket.  Then on the walk home we contemplated what it would have been like to win $16 MILLION!!  Yeah... pipe dreams... but oh how we love to dream...

THE REMAINDER OF THIS POST HAS BEEN REMOVED BY THE BLOGGER.... Thanks to my loyal reader who did get to see the whole thing...

Look Ma!! It's my (new) brain!

I had my brain MRI yesterday for the post-op baseline.  I've sent the CD-rom off to my neurosurgeon this morning.  I was fortunate to get my old PC up and running yesterday afternoon and got to see my images before I sent it to Dr. Gentili. (craziness... can't load the CD on my Mac!)

Look!! There's all kinds room for my brain!! I'm so excited!!

With my diminished headaches and improvement with the other symptoms like my speech, vision and thinking, I'm sure the neurosurgeon will say the surgery has been successful.  (Okay, I had to spell check diminished three times to spell it write - maybe my cognitive is still a little off!)  I'm extremely happy with my progress so far.  If I had to, I'd go through it all again.  Well, maybe we could leave out the brachial plexus injury...

Speaking of the shoulder, I was back at physio this morning for another set of instructions and to report to my physiotherapist.  She was so happy with my little spreadsheet I developed to track my progress.  So I will continue and I will add the other activities as she assigns them.  Today she also did some assessing for Thoracic Outlet Syndrome (TOS).  I am positive for it in one of the 3 or 4 positions.  So, there is another piece in my puzzle.  I will also likely need a custom wrist splint made for me to go back to work.  I have the $25 one from the drug store, but it is aged and falling apart so when it comes time to replace it, it will be custom.  In addition to my typing and writing and grip strength I am also putting books up on a high shelf to simulate filing minute books at work.  And yes, I'm sore.  Time for some down-time before I make dinner.

Shoulder Update

I'm beginning to feel like this is a never ending circle of assessments, appointments, physiotherapy and MRIs.  And all I want is to get better and go back to my life!

I saw the orthopaedic surgeon yesterday for my shoulder.  She reviewed my MRI results - there are no tears in any of the muscles or ligaments of the shoulder.  There is a cyst on the head of my humorous, but it is consistent with the anchors placed during my two shoulder surgeries for the rotator cuff.  This is good news - no tears = no need for surgery. 

So where does that lead us??

Orthopaedic agreed with my physiotherapist's diagnosis of a possible brachial plexus injury.  And to see if this is the case, another MRI of my cervical spine has been ordered.  I'm already having an MRI on my head on November 7th as my follow up  from my decompression surgery, however the head shots only go to C2 at the most.  The brachial plexus anchors from C4 to C6 and T1. 

Because I am still in inconsistent pain and it is not fully diagnosed or controlled, orthopaedic said no return to work until she sees the MRI results in early December.  (Yes folks, it takes 2 weeks for the radiologists to read our MRIs after the scans are done, and then allow about a week for the report to electronically cross the hospital parking lot to her office, get downloaded and placed in my file.) If it is a brachial plexus injury then the orthopaedic will be sending a report back to Dr. Gentili and I'll be heading back to Toronto... They don't deal with it here unfortunately.   She advised my physiotherapist to start work hardening for a prospective return to work, if I can tolerate it.  My pain is so intermittent that this will be an experience.  Difficult, easy, painful, don't know how it will be.  I'm on my way to physio this morning to report to Bee.

Luckily I saw my family dr. in the afternoon yesterday as well and he ordered the C-spine MRI with a 10 day window, instead of the up to 12 week wait.  He recommended that they have my C-spine done at the same time as my head MRI - I doubt it is possible, but I can only hope the booking clerk can fit both scans in on the same day!

But gotta run!! I'll report on my lunch with my best friend and phyio's reaction to the orthopaedic's notes later!

Orthopaedic Appointment

With luck, after I went to emergency on Friday for my shoulder, I got into the the orthopaedic surgeon today at the fracture clinic.

It was almost a three hour wait, but that is to be expected.  I've been through the fracture clinic plenty to know what to expect.

Dr. W came in and review my previous shoulder history from my last surgery in 2003.  Asked about my limitations, weigh-bearing, mobility, etc.  She recommended physio for now, and will see me again in 6 weeks to review the MRI results.  My MRI, fortunately, is on September 15th, so less than a week away.

And, I can start driving!! So, this weekend I will go out with the hubby and do some test-drives to make sure my neck and shoulder don't hurt too much to drive.  'Cause starting Monday, I have physio at 10am a bit farther from home then I would normally walk.  And I have at least 3 other appointments next week.  I'm sure everyone is getting tired of being my chauffeur.

I also got my appointment for my brain MRI - it's for November 7th! Argh!! I'm pretty sure Dr. Gentili didn't think it would take quite that long to get one done... I've e-mailed him to find out. 

Until my follow-up with Dr. W in 6 weeks, my days will now be walking, physio, and sitting on my duff with the laptop.  I'm trying to do some crafts every day but the pain is preventing me from doing much.

Post-Op Report

Monday was a long day.  It was also extremely hot.  Mum and I flew to Toronto for my follow-up with Dr. Gentili.  The basic gist of the appointment...

Posterior fossa decompression surgery looks like it was successful.  Dr. Gentili is very pleased with my recovery and progress thus far.  

My scars look good - the head is great, the thigh is not as good, a little hypertrophic - it's red and wider than it should be.  I can get some serum to reduce the look of the scar if I want to. But as I see it, it is a battle scar, not a beauty mark.

I can start driving in about two weeks.  But no driving in Toronto - hahaha!!  And just for short periods of time to start.  No 3 hour trips for a while.

Dr. G (I'm tired of typing his whole name, sorry folks, you get who I'm talking about) isn't confident that the numbness in my left leg is Chiari related (I disagree with this, but he is the doctor) and said if it persists that I should bring it up with my family doctor.  I also have some disc issues in my back which might be why I have the numbness.

I was told to see my eye doctor to make sure I don't have any retinal issues as I've been seeing more spots and halos than normal and Dr. G wants this monitored but doesn't think it is from the surgery.

I will have an MRI done here and send the results to Dr. G.  He will use the MRI as a base line to monitor my herniation and the arachnoid cyst in my right temple.  If the MRI looks good I don't need to see him until June next year.  If he sees something amiss he will let me know and I will see him in December or January.

After checking the clinical notes for the length of my herniation (sorry, didn't record it, but the tonsils were into the first vertebra) and if he took a picture during surgery of my brainstem (sorry, guess I didn't this time) he also looked for anything about my shoulder (nope, sorry, don't see anything and the positioning during the brain portion of the surgery should not cause my shoulder distress).  For the brain surgery I am laid on my face (obviously) with my arm externally rotated at my sides, not splayed out in a T.  But he does not know what happened when they moved me or rolled me over like Raggedy Ann.  He is sorry about my shoulder issues and did concur that the orthopaedic I found at Toronto Western is an excellent shoulder specialist and recommended I be referred to him by my family dr. as well.

Dr. G left the return to work discussion up to me and my family dr.

Mum and I walked approximately 7 miles in the 40C / 104F temperatures.  We walked through the Eaton's Centre, China Town, to the hospital, back through Kensington Market and back to the shuttle to the airport.  We were hot and exhausted, but it was a good day.  We had a few good laughs and a really nice early supper at Red Lobster.  And thank goodness for air conditioned airports and free cold drinks. And our flight was only about a half hour late getting in, so in all it was only a 18 hour day.

Today was the trip to my family doctor to discuss the shoulder and the return to work plan.

Family doctor (from hereon in fam dr.) did the referral to the second orthopaedic surgeon - the one at Toronto Western.

Fam dr. also did my referral for my brain MRI at Dr. G's request, sooner than later.  Hopefully it will be in the next couple of weeks instead of the traditional 6 to 12 week wait we usually have here for MRIs.

Return to work - hahahahahahaha - not possible with my shoulder right now.  My shoulder is getting worse by the day and the activities I can do with it are less and less.  I cannot hold a bath towel with my arm outstretched to fold it.  I cannot pour the kettle without supporting my arm with my left hand.  It's killing me to type my post, but I can't stand typing left-handed only... And the pain gets worse as the day goes on to the point that by 3:00 or 4:00 I'm usually very uncomfortable and bordering on wanting to go to the emergency room.  (but what's the point, they can't do anything for it anyway)  It burns in my shoulder, radiates down to my fingers, down my clavicle into my chest, up my neck into my jaw and ears, and down my spine.  OUCH!!!! And no pain killers work.  Where was I?? Oh yeah, even without the shoulder issue my fam dr. would like me to have 4 more weeks off of work.  But because of the shoulder 6 to 8 weeks more off work, minimum.  We will revisit the return to work sometime early October.

Fam dr. would like me to have the MRI results before I return to work.  And if it's in the stars, the cards, the heavens, and any other thing that could work in my favour, also to see an orthopaedic before I return to work.  So I'm on extended "vacation".

After my appointment I stopped in at my office to let my two bosses know what was up and talk to the HR department about the end of my short term disability coverage and the start of my long term.  Good news there, there should not be a lapse between the two plans and when we get close to the end of October I just have to pay my fam dr. to fill in more paperwork to confirm my symptoms and that I cannot yet perform my duties at work.  (I have not mentioned how much I dislike having to pay $30 for my fam dr. to write on a form for my insurance company telling them I cannot yet return to work.  But them's the breaks right??)  Both my bosses were in meetings, so I had to hang around for a while.  I chatted with a couple of colleagues and then brought my bosses up to date.  Both are sad that I cannot come back right now, but neither want me to rush back either.  My male boss noticed that I'm still having trouble with the cognitive thinking and transferring it to speech, but he was nice about it - said he could live with it.  (not in a condescending way, typing it out sounds condescending...)  It doesn't happen all the time but only when I'm trying to think quickly - like responding to a question.  My female boss misses me and really wishes me nothing but the best (she is possibly the nicest person I've ever met).  She too said once I am back she will accept any difficulties I might have returning to my duties and we will work with them so I can be the assistant I was before my surgery.

So, 6 to 8 more weeks off, at home, continuing to heal my head and hopefully hear from an orthopaedic!!

Neuro Follow-up Tomorrow

Tomorrow promises to be a long, hot day.  Mum and I are headed back to Toronto Western Hospital to see Dr. Gentili for my posterior fossa decompression surgery follow-up.  

We fly out at 7 am and arrive around 9.  I planned out our day sort of.  We'll take the shuttle to Union Station and then walk up to the Eaton's Centre for some shopping.  (Why is it still called the Eaton's Centre if Eaton's went belly-up 10 or more years ago??)  Then we can walk or take the streetcar to the hospital for my appointment at 1:45.  I hope my mum's hip isn't bothering her because I'd really like her to walk through Chinatown!! I love it there.  It is so culturally diverse for 3 or 4 blocks and the bam - back to TO.  After my appointment we'll head back to the financial district and mall area for an early dinner at Red Lobster.  Then back to the airport by 6 for the flight home.  I mapped it out and if we walk all of it we're looking at about 10km / 6.25 miles, without the mall walking.  I can do up to 5 miles a day right now, but not all at once... So we may have 1 or 2 streetcar rides tomorrow.

I'm not sure what Dr. Gentili is going to say.  I'm sure he will agree that the surgery this far has been a success.  I don't know what he will say about going back to work.   Brainwise I am fine to go back I think, it's the dang shoulder that may prevent me.  I know I still have to have another brain MRI to check the decompression and CSF flow too.  But I think it will be another month before Dr. Gentili wants that done.  

Should be an interesting day. Tuesday I see my family doctor to determine my return to work based on what Dr. Gentili said.  And I will update my 3 loyal readers once I'm home from that appointment.

For now, I'm going to go soak up some sunshine as it is already 28C / 84F with the humidex.

Trial and Error

I'm trying to see what I can do or can't do, a little at a time.  I have to start somewhere, so starting with small things around the house is a good place I guess.

Things like laundry - the husband brings it to the basement for me and I can manage to put it in the washer and dryer, then fold it.  Not bad.

I manage to make dinner most of the time by myself, although I get frustrated sometimes that I'm always doing it by myself.... But it's done, we're fed.  But I leave the pots to be washed the next morning... more for the sake of my shoulder than anything.  My shoulder is so bad that making supper then doing dishes is out of the question.

Still not doing housework per say, but I do wipe down the sinks and toilet, load and unload the dishwasher.  But I will not pull out the vacuum - my shoulder won't have it.  And scrubbing the tiles or the tub I know will be a little to much to handle.

I still haven't gone for a drive yet.  My neck is still pretty tight.  I move it every day so that I can teach the muscles to move again, but I don't want to be driving and in a situation where I have to react quickly and not be able to turn my head!!

Today's test - staying up all day.  No lying down.  No nap.  Just my regular Tylonel and ibuprofen for meds.  I need to know if I can manage it.  Tomorrow will be 6 weeks post op.  And at the end of the month I have to go back to Toronto for my follow up with Dr. Gentili - that will be a 20 hour day with flights there and back.  I need to know that if I stay up all day I'm not going to suffer too much for it tomorrow.  Let's hope I don't suffer for it tomorrow!! 

Yesterday my mum wanted to go raspberry picking.  So I joined her.  But we didn't find any raspberries.  So we went for a short drive to another location.  And still no luck - lots of plants, no fruit.  One last stop and we were going to head home... we didn't find any raspberries but wholly chokecherries!! My mum was in heaven!!  So in a little over an hour we picked 2 full 2 quart baskets.  Enough to juice for between 5 and 6 cups of juice!  And we plan to go back on Saturday - lots of red berried left to ripen for the week.  Mum will make up some chokecherry jelly - yum!!  So a pretty normal activity for a summer morning - and I did get tired, but I was traipsing through the brush for berries!  And I needed a nap when I came home... after a shower!

So I'm trying to get back to normal... whatever the new normal is.

Post-op Pictures

For the squeamish, I recommend you forgo reading this post.  I'm going to post photos of my incisions with and without the staples.  I've had friends on FB say they can't handle seeing them. So you have been warned my sensitive readers.

Here is my zipped head... There were 30 staples in there.  And not too much hair removed! :)  My husband did an amazing job of taking care of my and my incisions until I was able to take care myself.  He washed my hair - with baby shampoo folks.  It's recommended for post-op on some Chiari websites and I decided it would be good advice to follow.  I first had my hair washed 6 days after surgery, and since then every 2nd day.  The bandages were off after 7 days.  As a precaution we were told to leave them on until we had travelled safely home.  First I didn't want to freak out any passengers who could see my neck beneath my scarf, and second for cleanliness reasons. 

Dr. Gentili's staff did a very good job closing me up.  The staples were mostly nice and tight.  My leg had 22 or 24 staples.  Because some were doubled up it was a little hard to tell.  I can see my leg scar if my leg is in certain positions.  I still cannot look straight down and see my feet or belly, but it is improving.  I turn my head every day from side to side and up and down gently to teach the muscles to move again.  Having been through shoulder surgery twice I know about relearning to do things that atrophied muscles have forgotten.

Post-staple removal:  OMG!!! My dear old family doctor took out the staples in my head first, along with a handful of my hair, and not the short, growing in hair - the permanent stuff! OUCH!!! And because some of the staples were doubled like the ones on my leg he had to take 2 at a time.  And because they were tight against my skull it was difficult to lift them.  His office was hot and stuffy and there was a 1000 watt light shining on me.  Between the heat and the discomfort I nearly passed out.  Thank heavens my husband was there with me and held me up, literally, from passing out.  But my doctor was happy with the incision and the healing to date.  Said it looked really good and he had no concerns over the couple little spots that had sort of lifted when he pulled the staples.
  

Removing the staples from my leg hurt less than the ones from my head, but it was still uncomfortable.  But, it was over.  My leg incision opened up a little after my first shower a couple days later so hubby taped it over with steri strips to make the incision lie flat again.  It doesn't look too bad today.

Of all of the pain and everything I have been through with the surgery, recovery and staple removal, I'd say the staple removal was the most uncomfortable so far.  But, it lasted the least amount of time!  

I'm really tired today, but I am also weaning myself off of morphine.  I have not had a pressure headache that has lasted more than a couple hours and was only 1 or 2 / 10 since the surgery.  My legs have gone numb once or twice, but it also didn't last.  My thinking and speaking are much clearer, even on morphine.  Yeah, the tinnitus is still in my left ear, but it doesn't seem as loud sometimes, which is great!  Plus it is gone from my right ear.  I know, just about 3 weeks post op I still have a ton of healing to do.  Heck, I still lie down 2 or 3 times a day.  But I'm feeling better recovering than I did before surgery.  I have started to walk twice a day again and average about a mile combined.  I'm feeling good.  Surgery is not a cure, but it has definitely given me a lot of hope that in time my life will come back to normal.

Observations at 2 weeks

I'm honestly feeling good!

Sure, I have pain and fatigue and the occasional upset tummy, but I do not feel at all like I did before surgery.

The pressure - like a balloon is going to burst inside of my skull - is gone.  I've only felt it for a few minutes here and there when I've overexerted myself.  Oh so nice not to have pressure headache!!!!

My legs are not numb :) Sure, they fall asleep, but they are not going numb!!! A huge factor I'm not missing at all!  I can now sit or stand without my legs feeling all tingly.

My thinking and speaking is clearer.  I'm still struggling a little, but I'm also still on hydromorphine 3 times a day... I can't wait to see how much clearer it gets and how much easier it will be at work (but I'm not going back to work for 2 months yet).

I still have tinnitus in my left ear.  Yeah, I can live with it.  The pounding in my right ear is gone and the swishing sound has decreased in my left.  I can only hope that as I heal the tinnitus disappears completely.

Right now I'm a little unsteady on my feet - but I have 24 staples in my right thigh.  I know that my unsteadiness will improve as my leg heals.

My only complaints from the surgery - my lip where I had the huge welt is numb.  Kinda annoying, but I'm sure as the bruise goes away the feeling will return.  And second - they wrenched my right shoulder something terrible during surgery.  I shouldn't have been too hard to move about while unconscious, I only weigh 115 lbs.  But my shoulder is killing me.  I've had 2 surgeries on it in the past and the staff were all told to be careful of it, but I guess they couldn't have been too cautious.  My shoulder is actually more painful than my head!  I just hope it settles down soon too and that there has been no further damage.  Go in for brain surgery and come out needing shoulder surgery?? Not good.  I'll have my family doctor check it tomorrow when I have my staples removed.

At this point in time I am extremely pleased with the surgery and my results.  I still have a long recovery until I am 100%, but as a preliminary statement surgery in my mind was a success.  Now, on August 30th Dr. Gentili had better say the same!!

Ward 5B - Neurology

The last instalment of my hospital stay.

I was transferred from NICU at some point on Wednesday, 1 day after surgery.  I don't know timelines and some of my days in the ward blend together.  Hey, good drugs will do that to you!  I know I was moved into a room and I had my first room mate - Mrs. room mate.  Who got there first?? No idea.  My pain was still pretty bad, as was my gigantic fat lip!  The pain management staff did their best and tried me on different drugs, which turned out to by hydromorphine, and thank heavens, it started to work.  I had 8 hour long lasting pills with 2 hour top-ups when I needed them.  I remember dozing in and out of a sleepy stupor a lot.  And I remember moaning... a lot of moaning.

Turn out Mrs. room mate was the moaner - not me.  At the young age of 87 she had dementia and was hard of hearing.  She was in to have a GI scope, so why is she in the neuro ward??  To drive me (and hubby and several nurses) absolutely crazy.  She would moan every 4 or 5 seconds - oooohhhh, ahhhhh, eewwww, like every breath hurt! The nurses asked if she was in pain - no.  So why are you moaning???? ARGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'm supposed to sleep in the same room as this woman! I told hubby several times to help me up so I could go smother her with a pillow!  I'm not the violent type, but her incessant moaning was intolerable. Then her family came to visit!! It was late at night, that's all I remember.  And they were louder than necessary.  They put up a sign which read "Mrs. room mate has dementia and is hard of hearing.  Speak loud and clearly"  Yeah, great room mate.  Somehow I managed the night... must have been the drugs!  In the morning the nurses came and moved Mrs. room mate across the hall.  Whether it was for my sanity or theirs who knows, but I thank them for doing so!  

I had inedible meals brought to me the first couple days.  Um, I don't eat pork, beef, any dairy, eggs or fats. And I don't care for hot cereal.  And no apple juice because of the acid.  I have major food issues... And the admitting nurse and the dietician I saw when I was admitted knew all of this!  They put me down as vegetarian, type 1.  Whatever that meant! So the first breakfast tray contained cream of wheat (ultimate yech!) and a hard boiled egg, and I believe apple juice or juice with apple in it!! This did not go over well with me.  I remember managing a baby cookie which we had brought with us.  It's bad enough my mouth looked like I went 10 rounds with Mohammed Ali, but to add insult to injury, the dietician send me nothing I could eat!

I got a new neighbour Thursday at some point.  A wonderful Chiari sister I later learned!  She had just had a shunt revision.  Good, two neuro patients in the same room.  Much better.  Plus, she is 30, not hard of hearing and she doesn't moan!!  We struck up a conversation between the curtains when she made comment to her mom of how lovely she looked in a hospital gown and green surgery hat.  I told her all she needed was the compression stockings (which I'd been wearing since NICU) and she was ready for the ball!  No stockings for her was her reply as she is paralyzed due to spina bifida.  Our little chat started a new friendship.  It was soooo nice to meet someone who understands Chiari!! She had decompression surgery in December.  We chatted off and on for the next 3 days.  Good room mate is the sweetest thing, and her family is wonderful.  Every time the went to get something for Good room mate they made the same offer of me - unfortunately, it was milk shakes, so no.

The things I remember most about my 4 days in the neuro ward:  bad food for the most part.  One nurse did some finagling and got my menu changed.  So I did get one meal with chicken that was partly edible.  It was really hard to eat with the big lip, but it was better than the vegetable goulash, vegetarian chili, cream of wheat, dry bread (not toast, just dried bread!), and other assorted oddities they sent me to eat.  And one night they sent me salmon and plain rotini noodles.  So I managed a few mouthfuls.  But wow, I can't believe how bad the food was.  Really, truly.  For such a wonderful hospital, the dietary crew needs some help!

I was impressed by the care in the ward.  Each patient has a RPN, not just a nurse between 9 and 5 with at 6:1 patient to RPN ratio.  We also had a ward nurse - 2 or 3 shifts a day. My first nurse, Rose Marie, was wonderful, truly wonderful. And a PC - personal care worker who was responsible for helping us bathe and clean up daily.  (Well, the day I could actually have a shower and wanted a shower, my PC didn't come back as promised!! So no shower for me!)  Plus the assorted dietary, pain management staff, some physiotherapists and occupational therapists, and doctors, fellows and associates.  It was a busy place!! But the care is second to none.  I am so pleased with the care I received.  There were also volunteers who brought fresh ice and water twice a day, magazines and newspapers.  It really is well run.

Dr. Gentili came in to see me three times during my stay.  I was pleased and impressed.  He said he doesn't always make his rounds, that his team does.  Well I saw him and his team!  The team was great!  Beverly, George, Dr. Andre, everyone.  Beverly sang "My Favourite Things" with me while George removed the drain from my leg incision.  How many doctors do you know that will sign with you so you take your mind off of the procedure?  Dr. Gentili talked to hubby a few times too.  He was very happy with the surgery and with my progress in the hospital, except that I didn't walk down the hall fast enough. Hey, compression stockings, swollen feet and a 6 inch incision in my leg!  Hello??  But he did tell hubby my herniation was not the least and not the worst he has see.  I don't have the exact length, but I will ask him in August.  He said that the immediate reduction of the pressure in my head, less problems speaking and thinking are all good signs.  My legs don't go numb all the time now either.  My tinnitus is still in my left ear, but it's only been 11 days and there is a lot of swelling still.

I battled nausea for the first few days, but by Saturday I was well enough to be discharged.  I was supposed to go on Friday, but a bout of nausea put a kibosh on it.  I got dressed for the first time!! Hurray!! And we picked up my discharge documents and staple remover from the nursing station and off we went!  We stopped on the main floor to pick up my prescriptions and ran into my friendly room mate's dad.  I'm telling you, this family is the salt of the earth - they truly are wonderful.  I really was sad to say good-bye to good room mate.  But back to where I was... running into the dad... he was so sweet!! He drove hubby and I to my cousin's condo where we stayed from Saturday afternoon until Monday at noon when we left the city for home.

The trip to the airport was an adventure, the taxi driver rushing us around downtown to the airport the day after the G20 summit.  Hubby had to put his arm behind me for support, but we made it uneventfully.  I managed to walk from the taxi to the ferry and all the way to check-in at the airport.  Then a security guard brought me a wheelchair and we wheeled through security.  I was, of course, wearing my cute scarf and Brain Surgery Survivor t-shirt.  We were asked by 3 of the security staff about my surgery and they were all amazed I was up, able to walk and flying home only 5 days after surgery! And it's true, it is pretty amazing, but I'm so happy I'm feeling this good!  There was some turbulence on the flight, but other than that I was good.  I'm not a great flyer - don't like take off or landing at all.  I was greeted at Thunder Bay with a wheelchair to make it through the terminal and welcomed home with a big hug from my teary-eyed mum.

It is so good to be home!!!  Follow-up trip to see Dr. Gentili is on August 30th, and this time my mum is going with me.

Pre-Admission and Surgery

It takes a lot to sit up and type for any period of time, so I think I'll break up my surgery experience into a couple of posts...

Pre-Admission was on Monday at 8 am.  The usual - blood work; an hour long interview process about previous surgeries and reactions etc; an ECG (because of past reactions); meet the pharmacist; meet the anesthesiologist... it was a 4.5 hour appointment.  I was tired afterwards, but I still had an MRI scheduled for 6 am on Tuesday. 

Surgery day!!  I was awake by 2... we had to be up at 4:45, but still, 2?  Really?  And it wasn't nerves - I was freezing because our hotel room was an ice box!! (No A/C control in the rooms - wth!)  Anyway...  hubby had a shower and we walked over to the hospital.  The nurses in POCU (Pre-operative care unit) sent me straight to MRI.  Well, MRI didn't have any record of me so back to POCU we went.... Up and down the giant maze of a hospital.  Hubby wasn't allowed in POCU... so he had to wait in the hall.  I waited to have the nurse figure out what was going on with my MRI.  The changed me into a gown, pj pants and a robe all size XL!!  Ummm.... three of me would fit.  It was comical.  My admitting nurse was an absolute hoot.  She has a great sense of humour for dealing with anxious people at 6 in the morning!  She asked everyone if we were naked as the day we were born... she kept the mood light. And finally hubby got to come in.  Turns out there was a problem with the MRI that morning so I was going for an angio CT instead at 7:30.  No worries there.  Equipped with a warm blanket off we went to the waiting area.... for a long day of waiting.  I had my CT, nothing too exciting, but came away with 7 markers on my skull to guide Dr. Gentili during surgery. Then we waited.  My surgery was supposed to be at 11 am.  When no one came out by 11:30 I went back to POCU to see what was going on.  The nurse was really nice and thanked me for being so patient.  (I could tell a lot of the people in there were not being so patient on Tuesday... poor staff) Back to wait.... At least we had a tv in our little area and met a lady from Sault Ste. Marie also have brain surgery.  So time passed, not quickly, but it passed.  Dr. Gentili came out before 1:00.  He didn't know if I was going to be able to have my surgery!  It wasn't staff or OR space, there were no beds in the ICU step down unit!  He knew how far we travelled, how long it took to get my surgery date and he was doing everything he could to get me in.  Then, about half hour later, my name was called :)  I didn't even hear the nurse! Hubby did.  And in we went to the POCU again.  The anesthetist came to see me, a couple of nurses, Dr. Gentili's staff - Dr. Kim, Dr. Andre and at least one more doctor.  Then they had to find another nurse for my surgery - thank you to whoever the lady who said yes she would stay!  My whole surgery could not have gone for that 1 reason!  I got my first of 3 IVs put in, and then it was time to kiss my husband good-bye!! A quick trip across the hall.  The anesthetist started the second IV, and I had an oxygen mask put over my face.  The warm sleepy drug made it's way up my arm and that's the end of my memories for surgery.

Post-op.... later

My Deepest Gratitude

Here I am, 1 work day, 1 Saturday and a Sunday morning left in town before we depart for Toronto.  And I'm already being overwhelmed by gracious gifts, cards, flowers, prayers and healing thoughts.  I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family, fantastic friends and colleagues and even clients!

I try to be a humble person. I don't beg to be the center of attention or be made a fuss over by anyone really except my husband.  He's supposed to spoil me and flatter me.  But the friends and clients and people coming out of the woodwork supporting me before my surgery is overwhelming.

A client who now lives in the US sent me flowers - the most beautiful bouquet imaginable!

My massage therapist and former chiropractor got me a card and a free massage gift certificate.

My yoga instructor gave me a frog candle.  (We have a mutual affection for froggies!)

One of the ladies I work with offered to come do my housework after surgery! (I told her no, but she can come and visit!)

My male boss sent me to another Reiki treatment - so that is 6 treatments in all now!  

The department I work in are all going to lunch tomorrow at one of my favourite restaurants - Caribou.  And I will have my all-time favourite dish - Pad Thai.... yummy!!!

Plus healing thought requests send on my behalf from a number of people.  And prayer groups too.

I haven't even left town yet!  I'm extremely grateful to everyone for everything.  I'm kinda sheepish... I am trying not to make a big deal out of this.  (Yes, I know it is a huge deal. But I'm trying not to get worked up about it at least until Monday.)  

I have confidence that I have made the right decision to have surgery.  I have confidence that Dr. Gentili will do a great job.  I will recover well and I will regain some of my quality of life.  I realize I will have things I can never do again like ride a rollercoaster, but I should be able to do most everything else!

As Willy Wonka said "you have confidence and confidence is key!"

June 22, 2010

Got my date!! HURRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dr. Gentili's assistant called today at lunch.

Have to be in Toronto for pre-admission clinic on June 21st.  I will be admitted at 6 am on Tuesday June 22, 2010 to Toronto Western hospital!

Okay, so now, panic! 26 days.....

Already looked up flights and hotel.  Just waiting for my pre-admission time before I book the flights.  Might have to arrive there Sunday night.

So 1 month to the day from losing my grandma I will finally have my posterior fossa decompression!

Who Could Ask for More?

Certainly not me.  I'm back online! Hurray!  And I'm typing my blog on my brand spanky new Mac Book Pro.... I'm in love with my little 13" aluminum friend.  I haven't been able to blog since our old laptop began it's new life as a doorstop.

So, I guess I should bring the last couple weeks up to date and then drool over my new laptop later. I still have no surgery date.  Last week Dr. Gentili finally replied to my 3rd email requesting an update as to where I am on the surgery list.  But his update wasn't much.  They won't be booking until the last week or two of May for June surgeries.  And he "hopes" I will be on the June list.  Gees I "hope" I'm on the June list too!! If he pushes me back that will be more than 6 months wait for surgery since I decided to book it. So I am going to wait until the end of this week or even after May long to call again and see if I'm on the list.  Please, please, please let me be on the list!

I've had some good and some bad days.  Nothing lasting days and days, but the dreaded Chiari headaches have increased in their appearances again lately.  And unfortunately I know exactly why - STRESS!!!  Stress at work training my temporary replacement - which is going very well.  And it's been crazy busy at work, so that doesn't help.  Short lunches, staying late, training and still trying to do all of my work - I burnt out.  So I did take Friday and Monday off so that I'd have a 4 day weekend to relax. 

Relax??? Hahahahahahahaha!! That was a good plan, but it's not happening. My grandma is still in the hospital but was transferred to the rehab hospital to regain her strength and hopefully go home in a couple of weeks.  So I spent a couple hours each day up there visiting with her and papa.  And then of course there's the usual errands to run.  Plus it was my birthday Saturday and we had the family over for cake and coffee.  So before the family visited hubby and I had to clean house.  I had started on the bathroom - just the toilet and sink - when hubby came home and took over :) So I vacuumed, changed the bed, did some laundry and cleaned up the kitchen instead.  So much for relaxing...

Cake and coffee with family is always a really good time.  And being my birthday presents were involved.  I got some amethyst earrings and a ring from my mother-in-law, money from my grandparents, roses, garden stuff and two gorgeous glass pendant necklaces from mum, and from the hubby (who has now accrued some mega brownie points) Out of Africa (a favourite of mine) on Blu-ray and the piece de resistance...... a 13" Mac Book Pro.  We've been laptop shopping for some time and I've been ogling a Mac for ages and ages and now I finally own one!!!  I'm quite spoiled my grandma says, but I'm not spoiled rotten.  Once  I have a chance to figure out more like the photo aps etc I will post some pictures of my jewellery.  There is a lot to learn on a Mac - hubby and I are old Windows people... trying to convert.

Today we spent the morning setting up the laptop and trying to link my iPod.  And we discovered the wonderful trick of Apple not allowing a backwards transfer of your music from the iPod to iTunes...  Grrrr.... So to download the 1000+ songs on my iPod need to be redownloaded or I have to find some software to reverse download them.  Learning new stuff all the time!  After a long visit with grandma and papa I came home and went outside.  I managed to shuffle 2 of my planters around to plant some onion seeds, and two hanging baskets with basil and lettuce.  That was more than enough gardening me for one day.  Everything is harder this year.  The planters are heavier it seems.  The tools are too high on the shelf to reach.  The ground was too low to work from with the planters so I got a little stool.  The soil was too hard when I turned it, but it had to be turned after the winter...  I guess I won't be doing a lot of gardening this summer.... We also went for a 2 mile walk tonight, having skipped last night to have the family over.

I still have tomorrow off with plans to see the dentist for a cleaning at noon, a visit to see grandma, and hopefully I'll just sit on my duff and do nothing for a good part of the day.  Here's hoping.

So goodnight my loyal readers, thank you for hanging in during my technical difficulties.  I'm going to finish watching the rest of Out of Africa...

Pushed Back - Again

I don't even have the words to express how I feel right now.  I called Dr. Gentili's office on April 20th to make sure I am a priority on the May surgery booking list.  Dr. Gentili and I had an e-mail back and forth before that how I didn't make the cut for the April bookings and I was now priority for May. 

I hadn't heard anything so I called and left a voicemail with his office this morning.  His receptionist called me at work to tell me that I wasn't on the May list.  I'm gutted.  I have no emotions left.  I'm sitting here (at work on my lunch break) with tears in my eyes.  I can't stop the tears.  I am disappointed.  I'm dispondent.  I don't care about anything.  It's depressing to think I have to wait another 30 days to find out if I'll make the June list.  I asked the receptionist about the delay and she said there were patients waiting a long time to have surgery.  To which I replied I wrote to Dr. Gentili on January 16th to go ahead and book me.  She only replied "oh, I'll have to speak to him". 

I just want my date.  I don't care if it's a month from now, but can't they look ahead at their schedule and go - hey, [insert date] is open, stick Ms. Elvish in and let her know! But no.  Nothing. Nada. Zip.  Not gonna happen.  They are going to leave me waiting and waiting and waiting while my symptoms progress and my life waits on hold.  I have no quality of life.  I work, walk and go to yoga.  I can't do housework or yard work, carry laundy, go for groceries or do much without triggering a headache.  And that includes crying.  So, now I have a headache to top off my wonderful phone call this morning... great.

I might e-mail Dr. Gentili later, once I've thought this through, and ask if there is anyone else in Toronto Western who he would be comfortable to refer me to that would be able to do the surgery soon than he can.

I've reached despiration....