Just finished watching The Bucket List for the umpteenth time. I love this movie. When my father-in-law got diagnosed with cancer last spring we asked him if there was anything he wanted to do for his bucket list. He wanted to see another NHL game live. And spend time at camp. Within a couple weeks he was so ill that he never again left the house until the day he was transferred to the hospice care unit. He never got to do the things he wanted to do. I miss him every day. Especially on days that end in Y.
It's been just over 7 months since dad died. And almost 8 months since I was diagnosed with Chiari. Dad really didn't get to know about my diagnosis as he was very very ill by then. But I talk to him often about it. I know or I believe he is somewhere watching over me, Thomas, my mother-in-law and the rest of our family. I keep telling him he has to watch over me when it comes time for my surgery (and no, I still do not have a date). I believe that everything will go smoothly with my surgery and recovery, but I still like the idea having dad as my guardian angel. (for those of you not close to me, my father-in-law is Dad to me. I've had no contact with my biological father since my wedding day.)
I'm not a religious person. I don't frequent church sermons. I was never baptized. I have gone to a number of different church denominations. I enjoyed the service at the United church I went to as a child, but when the pastor passed away, it all changed and I didn't like the new pastor as much. I've been to Catholic - numerous Catholic churches, Lutheran - in English and Finnish services, Episcopalian, and a few other houses of worship. I've even attended a Hindu funeral - very nice, very peaceful service. I have never found a church or Christian branch of religion that I felt 100% comfortable with. I question everything. And some of the differences in the different churches offers perspective on the whole religious experience. Sorry to my devote religious followers, no offense intended, no offense taken, but I'm a non-conformist.
Where was I going with this post? I remember. Bucket List. There are 101 or more things that I would love to do before I die. Here is a smattering...
1. Visit the pyramids of Egypt
2. Take my husband to Italy
3. Learn to race motorcycles (but now because of Chiari, I will not risk it)
4. Learn to speak Finnish better
5. Meet Petra in person and of course Heidi - again!!
There are other things, non-monetary desires -
6. Be loved by my family, which I know I already am
7. Find my centre at yoga
8. Be more spiritual
Is there 1 thing I would like to do more than an other? No, the ranking was just the way I wrote them down. For now I am focusing on me. Maintaining my pain until my surgery, maintaining my sanity too. Using yoga and meditation to get through, hopefully without drugs as much as possible. Once I've had the surgery, I will begin to re-evaluate again. And re-write my bucket list.