Pushed Back - Again

I don't even have the words to express how I feel right now.  I called Dr. Gentili's office on April 20th to make sure I am a priority on the May surgery booking list.  Dr. Gentili and I had an e-mail back and forth before that how I didn't make the cut for the April bookings and I was now priority for May. 

I hadn't heard anything so I called and left a voicemail with his office this morning.  His receptionist called me at work to tell me that I wasn't on the May list.  I'm gutted.  I have no emotions left.  I'm sitting here (at work on my lunch break) with tears in my eyes.  I can't stop the tears.  I am disappointed.  I'm dispondent.  I don't care about anything.  It's depressing to think I have to wait another 30 days to find out if I'll make the June list.  I asked the receptionist about the delay and she said there were patients waiting a long time to have surgery.  To which I replied I wrote to Dr. Gentili on January 16th to go ahead and book me.  She only replied "oh, I'll have to speak to him". 

I just want my date.  I don't care if it's a month from now, but can't they look ahead at their schedule and go - hey, [insert date] is open, stick Ms. Elvish in and let her know! But no.  Nothing. Nada. Zip.  Not gonna happen.  They are going to leave me waiting and waiting and waiting while my symptoms progress and my life waits on hold.  I have no quality of life.  I work, walk and go to yoga.  I can't do housework or yard work, carry laundy, go for groceries or do much without triggering a headache.  And that includes crying.  So, now I have a headache to top off my wonderful phone call this morning... great.

I might e-mail Dr. Gentili later, once I've thought this through, and ask if there is anyone else in Toronto Western who he would be comfortable to refer me to that would be able to do the surgery soon than he can.

I've reached despiration....

Buh-bye ol' laptop

Our laptop entered it's last stage of life on Friday and by Sunday afternoon Thomas confirmed its demise.  So I am computerless at home and I cannot blog from my iPod.  I haven't been able to get this site to allow me to mobile blog yet - not enough time to research it. 

So if I'm missing for a while longer, you at least know why.

In other news - I've spent nearly every day at the hospital since April 24th - not for me for a change, but sadly for my dear grandma.  She has artificial heart valves and is battling a major bacterial infection right now.  It is very difficult to see her so ill again.  I go up daily (well, I missed 1 Sunday) and help or just sit with her and my papa.  Grandma just turned 83 and with all the heart trouble she has had I am truly blessed to still have her in my life.

I am also impatiently awaiting for Dr. Gentili to call some time this week with my surgery date for May.   I don't know why they call us patients - I'm not patient anymore! I've had a couple weeks of headaches off and on, bad enough to resort to trying Maxalt because I can't take Torodol while I'm at work. Grrr.... and the headaches are becoming more frequent again.  So much for my 36 day stretch of glory where I didn't need anything stronger than Advil.  Boo! Oh well, I knew it wouldn't last forever.  Just hope Dr. Gentili's office calls soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until then, I'll be divided between grandma's hospital room, work and my dark bedroom with my ice packs.

Nothing too Exciting

Seriously folks, I have nothing exciting going on.  Still have to wait another week before I can call Dr. Gentili's office to remind him I'm a priority for the May surgery list.  I hate, no, I loathe waiting.  Once I have a date I won't mind the wait because I will be too busy preparing and panicking but until then I hate waiting.

It's definitely spring, which is a wonderful thing.  I managed to clean out the front flower bed and I'm happy to report things are growing.  Crocuses are blooming, the tulips and lilies are making their appearances, the clematises have buds.  It's good! I love to watch things grow.  The temperatures are quite as warm these past few days as they were a couple weeks back - one day we were warmer than Phoenix!  But it's not bad weather and barely any rain.  It even snowed a little on the weekend, but of course it didn't last beyond 10 am.

I've started to train my future replacement at work a little at a time so it is not such an arduous task right before I leave.  I think it is going well.  There is a lot to learn in my position and 2.5 years into it I am still learning something new all the time.  I believe L will be fine.  She is very smart and picks up quickly.  Now I just have to catch up on everything so I don't leave her a huge mess when I go.  When I took over working for one of the girls who left the firm it was a 3 hour introduction to what was needed and I was thrown into the fire.  I don't want to do that to L.  It's just unfair.  So I do my best so everything will be up to date for her.

In other news, there truly is no other news.  Checked out the garden show on Saturday and I went to bingo on Sunday with my mother and sister-in-laws.  I've been really tired, but not had too many headaches - in fact I looked in my book and it was 36 days during which I didn't need anything stronger than Advil.  Not bad, not bad at all.  I've been doing a lot less strenuous activities though so I don't overdo it.  I suppose that helps.  And I still ice my neck often as I find that really helps.  I'm still going to massage every three weeks, but I'm all done with my Reiki treatments for now.  I might go once before my surgery, once I know the date, to make sure my energy is high.

Hope everyone is enjoying spring and painfree days.

May!?!

So I broke down and e-mailed Dr. Gentili this morning, and he replied by lunch. I'm disappointed.  I am not on the April surgery list.  Because he has critical patients and meetings in April, I didn't make the cut.  But I'm on the list for May.  I'm disappointed.  I would like to start getting better and surgery being put off another month means another month before I can start healing.

The first thing I did after I got the e-mail was call my grandma.  She always knows what to say and make me feel better.  She understands how I feel - after all, she is grandma and grandma's know best.  I still feel crappy... But looks like I'll have the summer off!

Nothing to Report

Nothing.  No news. No letters.  No phone calls. No word from the Dr. Gentili or his office. So did he do his job?  Did he schedule his April surgeries?  Am I on the list for surgery?  I'm so frustrated from not knowing.  I don't really care when the day is, just tell me the day!

I had a headache on Tuesday, the first I've needed to take anything more than ibuprofen for since mid February.  I think that is a record.  And my headache only lasted Tuesday.  It wasn't even horrid, but bad enough to come home from work at lunch, take a Torodol and some ice packs and lie down for a few hours.  And I felt better a few hours later.  My Reiki practitioner said the short length of the headache may have been because I have been going for the treatments once a week.  The energy has been channeled through my body and because it is flowing properly, the headache was less.  I'm still not 100% how this Reiki works, but I'm not going to dismiss feeling good.  I don't now if those are the right words to express it, but that is how I can express it right now.

So I want to e-mail Dr. Gentili and ask if I am on the surgery list or not.  My mum said to wait until Tuesday, I may hear something then.  So I guess I'll try to be patient until next week.