A Year In Review

2010 will go down in my mind as the most challenging year of my 34 years.  And I'm still shiny-side up.

The first few months of the year were riddled with pain, headaches and monthly calls to Dr. Gentili waiting for my surgery date.  I'm happy to report the pain of the first months of the year is behind me because of my June decompression surgery.

In February we celebrated my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.  Theirs is a love from which I try to model my own marriage.  They didn't want any big celebration, just cake and coffee with the family.  I ordered letters and certificates of congratulation from Queen Elizabeth II, the Prime Minister, the Governor General, the Premier, and the Mayor of our city.  I was so proud to say I have grandparents who were married for 60 years.  It is a remarkable achievement. 

My grandma's health began to fail shortly after her 83rd birthday in April.  She was admitted to hospital and we knew it was very touch and go.  In true grandma fashion, she surprised us and started to get better and was moved to the rehab hospital.  She had been given a discharge date.  And then her tired heart gave it's last beat.  And it broke my heart.  It broke everyone's heart in my family.  And not a day goes by when I don't think of her a dozen times.  And at least once or twice those memories are coupled with tears.

A few days after my grandma passed away I received a phone call from Dr. Gentili's office with my decompression surgery date - June 22, 2010.  I won't reiterate the whole story.  It's here  and here.  It was the scariest thing I've ever had to face.  Worse than public speaking in grade school, the first day of high school, even traveling across the ocean to live in Italy.  I was petrified, but I was calm, prepared and anxious to feel better.  And I do.  If I had to do it all again, I would.  The difference it has made in my life is amazing, and I'm just 6 months post-op.  With 2 years to fully recover, I can only hope that I continue to feel this good.

The months after my surgery were long and very lonesome.  I did a lot of walking and a lot of physio at home.  I rested when I needed to.  I did what I could.  With the help of my dear husband I made it through.  I still struggle with my nerve issues in my right arm, but I will head to back Toronto Western on January 28th, 2011 for a nerve conductive study.  And that will hopefully provide a prognosis or at least a firm diagnosis.

November and December were good months, preparing for Christmas and craft shows and returning to work.  I kept busy with crafts as much as I could, a little at a time.  I did two successful craft shows and 1 trip to sell crafts at my mother-in-law's old office.  I'm very happy with the craft season this year.  As I was off work or only working 3 hours a day I had extra opportunity to bake, write Christmas cards, and get ready for the holidays.  I have never been a Christmas person, but this year I was actually in the spirit.  I wanted to get the tree up.  I was finished my shopping and wrapping early.  And I baked enough goodies for a small army.  And on the actual days I wasn't sick, exhausted or miserable.  I was fortunate to not get a headache or flu or cold.  (Well, I did end up with a bit of a cold on December 27th, but it wasn't on the holiday for a change!)

I'm very happy looking back at this year with all of it's trials and struggles.  I can say I'm still shiny-side up after all of it.  And that's what matters most.

Ten on Tuesday - Christmas

1.  This was the first Christmas without my grandma.  I only started to cry half a dozen times....

2.  Christmas morning started for us at 2:57am.  The phone rang and hubby went into work for a few hours.  He was home by 8 and we had breakfast and opened presents.

3.  Hubby spoiled me.  He always does.  I got a Swarovski crystal Eeyore.  He had to order it.  1 of 10 left in Canada.  Very nice, and very unexpected.  And loads of chocolate... I have shares in Lindt.

4.  Dinner number one...  Mother-in-law's with between 13 and 23 people... it was crowded and wonderful. Although a little loud... my ears were ringing.  But it is only because I'm not used to the noise yet.

5.  Dinner number two... My papa's with 14, including two of my three cousins from out of town.  It wasn't the same, grandma absence was on all of our minds.  We enjoyed fantastic food and great company, but at times we were all quiet... missing the figurehead of our family.

6.  Spoiled.  Rotten.  Family overdid themselves once again.  I have the choice of a new aquarium from my hubby and mother-in-law.  And more chocolate than I could ever imagine.  I put 6 boxes in the freezer... there are at least 4 in the closet where we keep the treats!  (I'm a closet chocoholic!)

7.  Boxing day we DID NOT go shopping.  But we did go out 27th shopping.  No crowds.  No lines.  And the only size small lavender wool jacket at Old Navy for 70% off!  LOVE!!!!  I saw it Christmas Eve when I rushed in for a last minute gift for my nephew.   The clerk told me about the Boxing Day sale and I figured it wouldn't be there on the 27th, but lucky me, it was!!

8.  Food.... so much food....  And baking.... And pies....  And chocolate.  I even made it over my normal 1,300 calorie count for Christmas and Boxing Day!

9.  I'm already thinking about next year... what to make for whom... ideas run through my head all year.  Thinking of cookie mixes in the canning jars, homemade calendars, a new style of Christmas ornament... Have to keep myself busy!

10.  No plans for New Year's.  We never really ring in the year... usually in bed well before the clock hits 12:00.

(Okay... pretty sappy Ten on Tuesday... but there's 10!)

Ten On Tuesdays Challenge

Challenged by a fellow blogger... I'm taking my first crack at Ten on Tuesdays...  So, I'm going to post about the holiday season.

1.  I love when it snows at Christmas.  It's snowing tonight, so just a couple days early.  I love when everything is clean and fresh under a new blanket of snow.

2.  Christmas is ENTIRELY too commercial.  Who needs slippers with headlights (yes, saw the flyer for them!), or the no battery flashlight you shake - never mind, who wants them??  They will end up in a Good Will box, in the return aisle at the store, or in a long forgotten corner of the basement or attic.

3.  I wish we had a real Christmas tree.  But seriously can't make my way to the bush to find one.  Need a team of elves to help with that one.  Can't see the hubby liking that one much either... he usually doesn't want to help with the artificial tree... but this year he did!

4.  I hope that my family and friends enjoy the gifts I'm giving this year.  I'm always worried about disappointing someone, or not giving enough, or "keeping up with the Jones'".  Not this year.  Limits were set and I stuck to them.  I even stopped myself when I said, hey, I should buy that for so-and-so... Nope.  Didn't.  Yeah me!

5.  (You're right Marla, this is difficult!)  My favourite holiday movie is White Christmas.  Yes, I know it came out in 1954, but I could care less.  I love Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye.  I've read somewhere that Vera Lynn's waist was like 18" in that movie... and yes, sadly, she had an eating disorder.  But I could care less about their real lives... I love the music, the movie, the costumes.  My favourite song is "Snow" as they ride the train to Vermont.

6.  I used to dread Christmas morning... Dysfunctional family issues.  I'm so much happier about Christmas than I ever was as a child / teen / young adult.  And that makes me happy.

7.  We don't have any specific Christmas traditions.  We don't attend church.  We don't open a gift on Christmas Eve (anymore, did as kids). 

8.  We love food at Christmas, just like everyone else.  I love our Finnish and German foods that are always on the table or dessert tray.  It wouldn't be Christmas without them.  So I guess I was wrong in #7, we do have tradition, traditional food!

9.  This Christmas I didn't ask for much.  I don't need much.  And I don't want much.  I need a new tank for my aquarium.  A few stocking stuffers.  Neither of my favourite authors have a new book out, so that was easy.  Yep.  Pretty basic this year.  Besides.  I don't need anything really.  I have a roof over my head.  I have food on my table.  I have a job.  I have a dear husband and wonderful family.  I have enough.

10.  Last Christmas morning I was on my own for the first time ever.  My hubby had to work.  I did laundry, cleaned the bathroom and vacuumed.  Yep, huge celebration at our house :P

There, made it through my first Ten on Tuesdays!

Back to Toronto

Because the nerve issues in my right arm are ongoing, I've plateaued in my recovery, and I'm still experiencing lots of nerve pain, my family doctor referred me back to Dr. Gentili on the recommendation from my orthopaedic surgeon.  And within a week of Dr. G's office receiving the referral, I have an appointment for an EMG (electromyogram) on January 28th at Toronto Western Hospital.  Wow!! 

I'm just so happy I'm being looked at and it's not going to take 6+ months to be seen!  We haven't yet decided if we will go down the night before or just for a day trip again. Flying to Toronto in January can be a little dodgy if there's a snow storm.  And I was forewarned by Dr. G's receptionist not to be late.  The doctor performing the test hates when his patients are late.  I'm not a late person, I panic if I'm there only 5 minutes early... but snow can wreak havoc on travel plans!

My return to work is coming along slowly, but it is coming along.  I start doing something I haven't done in 6 months and all of a sudden it's done and I'm not really sure how I completed it, but it is done.  I'm still a bit overwhelmed, some of the files that I thought would have been completed during my absence are still ongoing, and others have closed that I thought would be still around.  And just getting used to the new stuff... a whole new computer system with Windows 7 - and I'm a Mac user at home - and a number of changes to the programs and software... And soon, a new keyboard with a track pad so I can ditch the thumb-ball mouse I've been using since my last shoulder surgery in 2003.  So my learning curve will just have to curve a little deeper for a while longer... The young lady who was filling in for me is still helping out on a few files, but she will be finished with the firm on December 30th... Does panic set in now??? I'm still only working 15 hours a week... How am I going to do a full day's work in 3 hours???  I can't think about it or I'll start to have panic attacks...

I'm going to focus on planning our trip back to Toronto and getting my nerves working.  The rest is out of my control.

And just to brag a little... The tree is trimmed, the lights are hung in the windows, the presents are wrapped and sit beneath the tree.  The baking is in the freezer and I have all the ingredients I need for Christmas dinner...  And I have the next 6 days before Christmas to relax!

The Twelve Days of Chiari

(Okay, I'm not a poet... but here goes... to the tune of the 12 Days of Christmas...  And no, it doesn't have quite the significance the song has but here goes...)

On the first trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the second trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me two cognitive tests, and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the third trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the fourth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the fifth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the sixth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the seventh trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me seven times four surgical staples, six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the eighth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me pictures of my eight millimeter herniation, seven times four surgical staples, six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On my ninth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me nine new prescriptions, pictures of my eight millimeter herniation, seven times four surgical staples, six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On my tenth trip to the neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me ten numb digits, nine

On the eleventh trip to my neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me eleven centimeter incision, ten numb digits, nine new prescriptions, pictures of my eight millimeter herniation, seven times four surgical staples, six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

On the twelfth trip to my neurosurgeon my doctor gave to me twelve weeks on sick leave, eleven centimeter incision, ten numb digits, nine new prescriptions, pictures of my eight millimeter herniation, seven times four surgical staples, six new symptoms, five days of hospital food, four iv needles, three MRIs, two cognitive tests and the diagnosis of Chiari.

Hi-ho! Hi-ho! (I owe! I owe!)

It's back to work I go went.  Monday, 3 hours a day to start, with breaks every hour if I'm doing something continuous.  My bosses are easing me back into my role.  We have a new computer system and programs have all been upgraded during my 5.5 month absence, so I am learning how to do things again.  Monday all I could access was e-mail... Because I wasn't there to use the system the IT guy didn't set me up for most of the necessary programs... Oh well, it was fixed by Tuesday.  Today I used one of the new search programs with my boss and we're very happy - it's easier and faster than the old way!  Hurray for change!! (Usually I don't like change...at all!)  So I'm settling in... a little at a time.  I'm sure there are still a handful of people who don't even know I'm back at work.  I startled a couple of the lawyers - hey! Wait! You're back!  That's a good thing - at least they haven't forgotten who I am!

My orthopaedic surgeon basically discharged me from her care at my appointment last week.  My shoulder is not a surgical issue and she does not need to operate on me, therefore discharged with instructions to get back in touch with Dr. Gentili.  The ortho is fairly certain that my brachial plexus injury occurred when I had my decompression surgery and will be sending a note to my family doctor stating the same. So I'm being referred back to Dr. Gentili. 

Kinda scary... my physiotherapist and I were going through my return to work plan last week... she told me that if I do too much I could injure the brachial plexus further, resulting in permanent nerve damage.  I have to be very careful at work.  No overhead lifting.  Nothing over 5 lbs (basically, a pack of copy paper is too heavy).  And breaks when needed.  If I'm in pain for more than an hour after I finish work I've done too much.  Today, I've done too much.  I have sharp pain in my shoulder and upper arm, my wrist is sore, my hand is sore and I can feel pain up my trapezius into my neck and back of my head...  I picked up a minute book today - and knew right away it was heavy.  But some are full, some are empty.  How am I to know unless I pick it up off the shelf??  The last thing I want to do is have permanent nerve damage...  Guess from now on I will have to ask someone to get my minute books down... (insert heavy, feeling useless sigh... pffff!)

In other news, I've made is quite successfully through another craft show season.  I had my last show last Friday and Saturday.  It went quite well.  The day before the show my mother-in-law and I took my crafts to her old office (she retired in May).  The ladies there cleaned me out of my Christmas spiders!  I took 27, came home with 3!  Yikes! I had to go to the consignment shop and pick up some I have for sale there and then scrambled to make some more Thursday night for the weekend show.  They are my biggest seller at any show.  But I didn't expect my m-i-l's colleagues to completely clean me out!  Happily I had enough for the weekend and sold 8 more.  And I've sold 9 or 10 at the consignment shop too!  So now that you're going "what's the deal with the spiders" here's a pic....

And there's a legend which goes with each one on a scroll...

The Christmas Spider Legend

A long time ago in Germany, while a mother was busily cleaning house in preparation for Christmas, the spiders that usually stayed in the living room corner fled upstairs to the attic to escape from her broom. From the attic they could hear all the excitement from the living room as decorations were being made for when Santa was to come on Christmas Eve and bring gifts for the children.

Frantic to see the decorated tree, the spiders slowly crept downstairs for a view. Oh, what a beautiful tree! In their excitement, they scurried up the trunk and out along each branch. They were filled with happiness as they climbed all through the tree to see the glittering beauty.

But alas! By the time they were through climbing all over the tree, it was completely shrouded in their dusty-gray spider web.

When Santa came, he smiled as he saw how happy the spiders were. However, He knew how heart-broken the mother would be if she saw the tree covered with the dusty webs. So He reached out and touched the webs, blessing them and turning them to silver and gold.

Thus, the custom to have a spider ornament amongst all other decorations with tinsel of gold and silver on the Christmas tree was born.

And on that cheery note... ta ta for now!!