Pushed Back - Again

I don't even have the words to express how I feel right now.  I called Dr. Gentili's office on April 20th to make sure I am a priority on the May surgery booking list.  Dr. Gentili and I had an e-mail back and forth before that how I didn't make the cut for the April bookings and I was now priority for May. 

I hadn't heard anything so I called and left a voicemail with his office this morning.  His receptionist called me at work to tell me that I wasn't on the May list.  I'm gutted.  I have no emotions left.  I'm sitting here (at work on my lunch break) with tears in my eyes.  I can't stop the tears.  I am disappointed.  I'm dispondent.  I don't care about anything.  It's depressing to think I have to wait another 30 days to find out if I'll make the June list.  I asked the receptionist about the delay and she said there were patients waiting a long time to have surgery.  To which I replied I wrote to Dr. Gentili on January 16th to go ahead and book me.  She only replied "oh, I'll have to speak to him". 

I just want my date.  I don't care if it's a month from now, but can't they look ahead at their schedule and go - hey, [insert date] is open, stick Ms. Elvish in and let her know! But no.  Nothing. Nada. Zip.  Not gonna happen.  They are going to leave me waiting and waiting and waiting while my symptoms progress and my life waits on hold.  I have no quality of life.  I work, walk and go to yoga.  I can't do housework or yard work, carry laundy, go for groceries or do much without triggering a headache.  And that includes crying.  So, now I have a headache to top off my wonderful phone call this morning... great.

I might e-mail Dr. Gentili later, once I've thought this through, and ask if there is anyone else in Toronto Western who he would be comfortable to refer me to that would be able to do the surgery soon than he can.

I've reached despiration....